The Average Day In Cheers
by Chrish
Summary: Carla thinks the word 'intellectual' is an insult. Norm loses his stool, and many other things! Oneshot, complete. R&R!


Carla LeBec walked over to the table at the far side of Cheers, the bar she had worked at for years. Three men were sitting at the table. One called himself 'a Priest'. 'Sure', she thought in her mind.  
"Three beers.. Here you go."  
  
She began setting them down at the table, and was just about to the place the one for the Priest infront of him when he said. "Do you know much about the New Testament?" Carla looked at him. "That's when uhh.. Jesus Christ was born, Yeah." The older man smiled, "You're very intellectual." Carla took the beer and poured it down the man's clean clothes, a dirty smile on her face.  
"Don't ever call me dumb."  
  
Frasier noticed the three men in the corner walk out, one with beer down his front. "Carla, why'd you dump beer on THAT one?" Carla sat the tray down on the counter and leaned forward. "Because," she began, "He said I was intellectual."  
Frasier Crane blinked, thinking that over. "Carla intellectual means nothing ba --- " Carla turned around with two beers on her tray. "What'd you say?" Frasier shook it off. "Nothing. Nothing at all." Frasier simply folded his hands and sat there.  
"I thought so." Carla walked over to a table to give several customers their orders.  
"Heya, Woodpile, where's Norm?" Clifford Clavin, Jr. said in Woodrow Boyd's direction. "Oh-uh, Mr. Clavin, he went to look for his stool, it went missing." Cliff gave one of his genius-wannabe looks, cuffing his chin in his left hand. "Now where would've his chair went?"  
  
A clatter was heard in the background. "NORM!" Came Rebbecca Howe, their young manager's name. "No, Norm, don't tip over my shel--" A big smash was heard. Norm Peterson walked out of Rebecca's office, closing the door behind him. "NORM!" Rebecca yelled from her office.  
  
"Where could it be?" Norm said sighing, walking over to where his stool was. "Well," Clifford began, "I suppose you could.. uh... Use Ol' Paul's chair. He's on a vacation." Norm frowned, "No, no, Cliff. It's just not my chair. Its not the stool I've sat on for so many years, almost every single day." Carla walked behind the bar. "Maybe that's why it took off." She gave a smirk and walked off again.  
"Woody," Samuel Malone said. "Oh, uh, what Sam?" Woody asked. "I was wondering.. Has my hair-stylist Tony called lately?" Woody blinked, rubbing the counter. "Nope, sorry Sam."   
Suddenly the phone burst into action, Woody picked it up. "Cheers." He spoke into the phone with his usual happy voice. "Oh-uh, hi Mom.... Yes I've been brushing my teeth...." Woody gave a weak smile, "Yes I put the cream on the rash... Mom, I don't want to discuss this. My friends can hear... Oh, there names are Norm, Sammy--... No, no, no. Norm isn't a bad word, Ma. No I... Fine."  
Woody hung up, pulling out a bar of soap from his pocket. "Mom said I had to clean my mouth out.. AGAIN." He walked towards the bathroom all childish-like. "Geez, his mom is worse than yours, Cliff." Norm said, pretending to be sitting down on a stool. "Speaking of the old woman, how's she doing." Cliff gave a smile, "Oh, she has this woman's group.. And, uh, she won this award." Sammy leaned over the bar. "For what?"   
"For being able to hold up a batch of cookies for thirty-seven seconds. None of the other ladies could. Im so proud."  
"Sammy... Walk away, slowly." Norm began backing up. Suddenly Rebecca burst out of her office. "Norm?" Her brown hair was in a mess, and her face was distressed. "Okay.. Norm Peterson just knocked over one of my shelves, that fell onto my desk, that had my new diamond necklace on top of it that Robin got me." Sam walked over to Rebecca, "Hey, you can have my diamond." Rebecca frowned in disgust. "Yes, Sam, I want you, take me now, oh baby, oh baby." She said sarcastically. "Did you hear that!" Sam exclaimed around the bar. "I was kidding. Haha." Rebecca chorted and stomped back into her office, very upset.  
Woody walked back into the room, his head down. "Did it taste funny, Woodpile?" Asked Norm. "No, it was alright.. But.." Sam looked over to Woody, "But?" Woody looked up. "I accidently swallowed the bar. Mom's going to kill me, I hadn't even finished washing the left side of my mouth.."  
Sam blinked. "Okay, then."  
  
---  
  
  
Woody appeared to be blabbering on about a story about Hanover. "Woody, could you get me a beer, and as soon as I've had enough.. you can finish telling your story." Woody smiled and filled up a mug. "Oh, okay." Norm looked towards his buddy, Cliff, and gave a smile.  
Carla walked up behind the bar. "Carla," came a voice. Carla turned, seeing Lilith Sternin-Crane sitting on the other side of the bar. Carla first had Woody fill up three mugs for the table she had just taken an order from, then she walked over to Lilith. "What?" She said, in her annoyed look. "Frasier and I were having a talk about you thinking that someone calling you intellectual meant something bad." Carla backed up, and picked up a mug and poured it down Lilith's front. Lilith got up from her seat. "Well, Im outraged!" Carla smiled. "Would you be even more outraged if I did this?" She took the next one, and dumped it over Lilith's head. Lilith screamed. "Hey, if you think you're all outraged-out, I have another beer right here." Carla told the Doctor, smiling her evil smile.  
Lilith picked up her coat and stomped out. Sam walked up to Carla and tapped her on the shoulder. Carla turned around. "Whats so bad about calling you intellectual. I think you are..--" In two seconds flat Sam's hair smelt like beer, and beer was dripping down his face. "Geesh, Carla, what's gotten into you today?" Carla just walked off.  
Rebecca suddenly rushed out. "I GOT IT!" She yelled. "Norm, if you.. fix up my office, I'll lower your tab, and buy you a new stool!" Norm shook his head. "Nah, Its just not the same without my old stool. We've been through so much together. I've sat on it ever since I was known as 'That skinny guy on the end of the bar', and I like my tab. Im proud of it!" Cliff blinked, and turned to Rebecca. "He's proud of it." Rebecca stared at them. "Sam... Im desperate. Mr. Gaines is stopping by this afternoon, and if my office looks like this, I'll get fired for sure. So, Sam, if you clean up my office, I'll go out with you." Sam smiled, rubbing his hands together. "Sure, Rebecca," He put down the towel he was using to clean his hair, and walked over to Rebecca's office, winking at the guys on the side of the bar. He walked in and yelled. A clattering noise was heard. Silence. Then they heard a yell. "This bookshelf blocked the door! Im stuck."  
Carla smiled. "My dream come true!" Norm leaned over the bar. "Carla, have you seen my stool, lately?" Carla smiled again. "Nope," and walked off. "That's it." Norm said, as Woody went over to Rebecca's door to try to help Sam Malone out. "We have to form a search party." Several of the people shouted, "Yeah!" lifting there fists high, the people including Cliff.  
"Where should we start?" Clifford Clavin asked. "Well," Norm said. "Check every stool in the bar." Cliff blinked. "How do we know if its yours or not?" Norm smiled, "I stuck a piece of gum under the stool once." Norm acted all proud. Everyone blinked.  
  
---  
  
"Norm, its been three hours," Cliff said, looking at a stool at the other end of the bar, "and we've searched everywhere. I give up." Norm frowned. "Oh well.. I guess I could just find another bar.. That has a special stool... Just for me." Cliff ran over to Norm. "Hey, don't leave, you're are buddy."   
"Yeah," said Carla, "And plus, I wouldn't have anyone to bug, 'cept ol' Clavin here."  
  
"Yeah," Rebecca said, "you cant leave because you owe this bar hundreds!"  
  
Norm smiled, "Im so happy you guys are so loving."  
  
Suddenly Kelly ran into Cheers. "Oh my god, I have to use the bathroom. I just remembered that Im suppose to go out to dinner with one of Daddy's friends!" She ran towards the bathrooms then stopped, and looked at Woody. "Where.. are the bathrooms?" He instructed her they were down the hall. "The one with the woman sign on it." Kelly blinked, "Makes sense." She ran towards the bathroom, as Woody continued trying to get the door open.  
About five minutes later, Kelly rushed out of the woman's bathroom. "Its so convienient in there, Ms. Howe, having a stool by the mirror and everything. Although, if you check, there's a piece of gum under the seat. Oops, gotta run."   
Norm blinked, then rushed to the woman's bathroom, Clifford followed. "You go in and get it, Norm." He shook his head. "You're more of a girl than I am, you go!" Norm pushed Cliff inside. Three ladies screamed and rushed out. "He is a scary sight, girls, isn't he." Norm said to the girls running off.  
Cliff looked around the lurky old bathroom, and noticed the stool, he walked over to it, and picked it up with his left hand, and headed for the door when he heard a monster-like noise coming from the toliet. He jumped and ran out.   
  
"Here you go, Norm." Said Cliff, handing over the chair. Norm grabbed the stool, and gave it a big kiss. "Be careful, thats been sat on by many woman." Cliff warned. Norm kissed it again and again.  
--  
  
Carla talked into the phone. "He's kinda caught up." Carla turned towards Rebecca's office, "Hey, Sammy, your hair stylist said he could take you in now since he was on vacation on your last appointment." Suddenly the office door smashed open, and Woody flew aside as Sam ran out of the room, and over behind the bar, snatching the phone away from Carla. Carla gave a growl and walked off. "Yes. This is Sam Malone.. You towed my car?!? Why?" He looked over at Carla who was standing by Rebecca. "Hey, it was the only way to get 'em out." Sam gave a grunt, as Norm and Cliff walked over. Norm was carrying his stool with him and he sat it down in its place, where four marks was printed in the ground, and smiled, sitting upon it once again.  
  
"Well, the freaks accomplished something." Carla said, smarting-off.  
  
Cliff blinked, and Norm gave a smile. "Yep." All of a sudden, Paul Krapence, Cliff and Norm's friend, entered. He walked over to where his usual bench was, and looked at it. "This isn't mine." Paul looked over at Norm's, and Norm hopped off it. "What?" He asked. Paul turned the stool. "This is mine!" Norm blinked, "Uhmm.. No, see thats mine." Paul blinked. "Did you use a piece of gum to make a P shape on your stool?" Asked Paul. "Its not mine!?!?"   
Cliff sighed, "Not again."  
  
  
The end. 


End file.
